Incredible facts
Emotional swings in relationships easily attract people, and many fall into a trap from which it is difficult, but possible to get out — the main thing is to see the problem in time and start acting.
Unfortunately, it is sometimes difficult to assess what is happening soberly and notice important signals on your own.
In this article, we'll tell you how to understand that you're on an emotional swing and how to get out of it.
What are emotional swings in relationships
Have you ever been on a roller coaster ride? Such relationships feel very similar to theirs — at some point you feel like you're on top of the world, feel good and energized, but within a second you're flying into the abyss, you're scared and you're not You can see why you volunteered for this.
It is completely normal to experience different emotions in a relationship, as long as these emotions do not begin to change too sharply, significantly and quickly.
If your relationship has an emotional swing, passion will be replaced by despair, and you will feel this more often and more acutely than normal, healthy emotions. The reason for such changes can be either one of you — you or your loved one — or both.
In such a relationship, one or both partners will quickly begin to experience discomfort and depression during difficult periods, losing touch with a loved one.
If you feel that your relationship is dominated by resentment, anxiety and anxiety, which are occasionally replaced by genuine happiness, you are most likely on an emotional swing, and such It is better to either end the relationship as soon as possible so that it does not harm either of the partners, or start working on it, but for this both partners must be ready, must understand the level responsibility.
What causes emotional swings
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When adults enter into relationships, they already have a baggage of emotions and experiences that they have lived separately behind them. For some, this is a difficult childhood and upbringing, others have past toxic relationships and negative experiences. All this can lead to a person entering a new relationship with one of two feelings — anxiety or detachment.
Anxiety can lead to an unhealthy attachment due to fear of rejection and abandonment. People who are afraid of being alone after a past relationship often act compulsively and become overly attached to a partner, needing him every minute of their lives.
People who experience detachment in relationships, on the contrary, are afraid to become too attached, are afraid to experience deep feelings and become dependent on a person. That is why a partner who needs their continuous attention will take too much energy from them, which will quickly lead to burnout.
Often, feelings of anxiety and detachment are formed in childhood, when people learn to interact with others through the example of their parents. If your parents often clashed, could not come to a compromise, cursed loudly or, conversely, did not talk to each other for a long time, there is a good chance that you will find yourself in an emotional swing in the relationship . This is not a mandatory rule at all, but it is worth paying attention.
It is not difficult to become addicted to emotional ups and downs — people subconsciously need the drama and emotions they are used to.
However, the fact that emotional relationships are always bright, passionate and romantic, and calm and stable relationships are boring is just a myth. Emotional swings can harm your health and your partner's health, and there's nothing romantic about it.
If both partners find a balance between attachment and independence, passion can and will certainly exist without drama and conflict. If it is difficult for one of the partners to cope with emotions, and they influence him, and not vice versa, there is a great chance that the relationship will show emotional swings.
Another reason for their occurrence may be a simple inability to express emotions correctly, which happens quite often due to the lack of training in the art of communicating with others.
How to get rid of emotional swings
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The good news is that you can get rid of emotional swings if both partners are ready to work on themselves and relationships. There are several steps to this, but you will have to communicate a lot and even give in a lot — if you or your partner are not ready, it's better to just end such a relationship, because both must work on it.
1. Be open
The first thing to remember is that we are all different, your partner's emotions and feelings may differ from yours, but this is completely normal — he has every right to them.
When you feel that a conflict is brewing — especially on your part — don't close your partner and don't blame them.
If necessary, take a deep breath, calm down, and explain to your partner what you're feeling and why, and what you're thinking about the situation. Get the idea across so that your partner does not feel aggressive from you, understands your feelings, understands why you are upset and opens up to a conversation — this is when you will be able to get your point across without leading to conflict.
2. Don't compare your relationships with others
Everyone is different, and the relationships they enter into and their behavior patterns are also different and unique, so don't compare your relationships and actions with the actions of others.
Do not generalize and do not try to act “like everyone else”, in your case this may not work, and may even make things worse.
Plus, you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg, and you can never know exactly what someone's relationship actually looks like from the inside, so don't compare your reality to someone else's.
If you notice that you're starting to compare what someone's partner does for their significant other and what your partner does for you, write a list of exactly what you love the person for, who is next to you — you can find out that your ideas about an ideal relationship will actually be completely different.
This will help you maintain your composure during a looming conflict.
3. Identify the cause of emotional swings
In order to fix the problem, it is necessary to find out where its roots come from. To do this, you should not only think about the cause of your conflicts, but also discuss with your partner the feelings or experiences that make him quarrel.
It is not always possible to independently determine the reasons for a particular behavior, and a family psychologist or any other family counsellor can help you with this problems.
Among the causes of emotional swings in relationships may be the following:
The internal emotional pain of one or both partners
Stress outside the home, such as at work or school
Anxiety
Anger
Focusing only on negative aspects of relationships
4. Give yourself some time
If your relationship often has emotional conflicts that are difficult to end — before you take any action that can only make the problem worse, give yourself a little time to think.
Otherwise, the emotions that arose at the time of the conflict may prevent you from soberly assessing the situation and making the right decision, or at least close to the right one.
Just a few minutes and deep breaths can make a significant difference in the outcome of a quarrel, help you come to a compromise, think about something more positive instead of everything in a fit of anger ruin.
This way you will learn to manage your emotions rather than give in to them, you will begin to better understand your partner and he will better understand you.
5. Learn to accept and express your feelings
Dealing with strong emotions is not easy. If you start to blame yourself for your feelings, blame yourself or your partner for it, stop and take a few deep breaths.
Think that it's okay to feel feelings—even negative feelings—. We are all human, it is also perfectly normal to be offended, to cry and to be sad.
Accept your feelings, but try to express them without blaming or hurting your partner.
If both are to blame for the quarrel, before expressing discontent with your partner, try to relieve negative emotions — dance, cook, exercise, read, draw, watch your favorite TV series — and only then start a conversation with the second half.
This way you can talk about your concerns without developing the conflict that has begun. Listen to your partner's point of view and ask him to respect yours.
6. Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness
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Forgiving people is very difficult for many people, and asking for forgiveness is even more difficult.
If both are to blame for the conflict, and in the process they still said a lot of unnecessary things to each other emotionally, apologize and forgive yourself. The main thing is not to repeat in the future what they apologized for and what they were forgiven for.
This will help you not only get the better of your emotions, but the next time a conflict occurs, you will be more aware of words and actions, and many unnecessary, offensive phrases will be avoided.
7. Train your concentration
Good concentration will not only help you understand what you are saying or doing and how you are saying or doing, but it will also give you the opportunity to focus on your feelings, feelings, and environment in the present.
This means that in the midst of a heated quarrel, you will focus not on past grievances and old experiences, not on anxiety and fear of the future, but on what is happening to you and around you at this time moment, this will help you assess the situation soberly and act on what you say and what you are being told right now.
Concentration can be developed through various exercises, practices and meditations that will relieve you of the habit of thinking about past experiences during a quarrel and help you see emotions as they are actually exists at the moment and in this situation.
8. Outline your relationship goals and expectations
For the relationship to be successful, it is better for both partners to immediately say what they would like to see in the relationship, otherwise there may be frequent conflicts of interest even if each other's people love.
If one of the couple has very different goals and expectations from the relationship, this can lead either to the fact that someone will have to abandon their beliefs, or to constant quarrels, resentments, anger , or by the end of the relationship.
To prevent this from happening, it is better to immediately outline what you expect from this relationship and how you want it to develop, so that both you and your partner can come to compromise and move in the same direction.
This doesn't mean that your dreams, goals, and expectations should be the same — just remember that you can't control other people's wishes, much less ban them, but you can avoid them unexpected “surprises”.
Be open to possible scenarios, do not suppress your partner's dreams and do not let him suppress yours if you are radically different from each other and you are unable to come to compromise or common interests, you may fall into the trap of emotional swings in the future, but if you know each other's expectations and understand what is important to your partner, they may succeed avoid.
9. Build healthy relationships
Once you've decided on your goals and expectations, you can start building healthy relationships. A transparent, sincere relationship with clear and open communication will help you avoid emotional swings, or at least minimize the likelihood of them occurring.
Communicate, listen to your partner, express your position clearly, clearly and without aggression, trust your partner and be as honest as possible with him.
10. Take care of your physical health
Physical health is an important part of the path to an emotionally healthy relationship, because your body's condition also affects your psychological health.
Exercise, outdoor walks in the evenings, timely and healthy eating, sufficient quantity and quality of sleep at night, and a minimum of alcohol and drug use will help you find the necessary balance between physical and mental health.
Take care of yourself, listen to your body, do not overload your body if necessary, take examinations and talk to specialists. A healthy body and a minimum of stress are important aspects for emotional stability.
11. Don't forget about mental health
Mental disorders are not uncommon nowadays, but this is not a verdict. Illnesses like depression, anxiety, and others can affect your perception of the world and situations, or your partner's emotions and life.
If you suspect that the emotional swing is due to a possible disorder in you or your loved one, do not self-medicate or diagnose, if any Possibility, consult a specialist to either rule out the disorder or diagnose and start treatment on time. Don't be ashamed of it and don't let it go by itself.
If you went to specialists and you did not find any disorders, and your emotions are still high, try to reduce stress and stabilize your emotions on your own — when you feel emotional stress or fatigue, take a few hours for yourself and do what you love — read, draw, play guitar, walk in the park near your home, in general — let your brain take a break from things to do and ignore routine problems.
12. Sometimes it's important to leave on time
All people are different, and sometimes, no matter how hard one or both partners try, a healthy relationship simply does not work out, and this is completely normal, it is very important to understand this in time.
In this case, in order not to harm yourself or your loved one, perhaps the best option would be to end the relationship. If there are more fights and drama between you than passion and happiness, no matter what steps you take, your emotions are hinting at you.
This can be very difficult, but if you're worn out and tired of this kind of relationship, it's time to make a decision. Only you know and feel whether this is the right decision or not, so don't listen to advice from people who haven't seen the inside of your relationship.
Do what your mind tells you to do. Deciding to leave is the right decision, because you have made it. Decide that it is still possible to put everything back together — the decision is also right, because it's yours. The main thing is not to be under illusions and take off your rose-colored glasses.
13. Ask for help
After all, if none of the points worked, but you still decide to stay in a relationship, you can seek help from specialists, such as a family psychologist. Perhaps this decision will allow you to see your relationship from the outside and think about things that you may not have noticed before, or noticed, but did not attach importance to them.
In addition, it will help you discuss your concerns in neutral territory and talk to each other more.
14. Don't blame yourself
In some cases, one partner is trapped in emotional swings and toxic relationships that are not his own fault.
Many conflicts are the fault of two people, but if you notice that you are being manipulated, that your partner's actions and words are negatively affecting you, no matter how hard you try to appease him, if you feel dangerous—don't blame yourself for what's happening, don't think you're the reason for his anger, and don't think it's normal.
If you decide to leave such a relationship, leave. Sometimes people don't change. If you are afraid or in danger, seek help — from friends, family or professionals.
If your partner does not make contact and is not ready to work on the relationship, but only increasingly slides into the abyss of negative emotions, no matter how hard you try to save everything, do not blame yourself and do not delay responsibility for another person is on your own.