Useful tips
In life, many of us regularly hear the word “no” when we ask.
Do you know how to insist on your own
after being refused?
If you are not very good at being a persevering person, here are 11 tips
on how to politely insist on your own if you are denied something.
1. Ask for reasons for the refusal
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How often do you immediately turn on the back when you hear the word “no”? If this happens regularly enough, it might make sense for you to use the most natural advice that comes to mind: politely ask your counterpart to explain exactly what it isn't I'm happy with why you're being turned down. That is, ask for reasons for the refusal.
Read also: 9 steps to help you stop being afraid of being rejected
It is unlikely that there are many situations in our lives when you will be told “no, because not!” , unless, of course, you are denied a visa at the U.S. Embassy. People usually justify their refusal. Then everything will be in your hands: once you have a justification, try to avoid the obstacle, and then ask again with a request or offer.
Perhaps the situation is so specific and complex that even the reason for the refusal will not help you formulate your repeated request in such a way that the other person will meet you halfway. Well, in any case, having the reason for the refusal on hand is already useful.
2. Try talking face to face
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Often, the person who turns us down does this in order to impress the people around you at this point in time. Like, look how unshakable and principled I am. It's hard enough to insist when you're in a group of people. Besides, it doesn't look very polite to discuss personal matters in front of outsiders.
Therefore, after listening to the refusal, it makes sense to politely offer to chat in private when you and your partner have the opportunity. Say, for example, that you have some facts or details that may be of interest to your counterpart personally. In general, initially try to address your requests or express your wishes to people when you communicate with them face-to-face.
3. Add some humor to your request
If you are denied something, it does not always make sense to insist on your own again in the same tone. Often, such behavior can be regarded as intrusive. So try to defuse the situation with a joke, and then try to restate your request.
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When we are in a good mood, we are much less likely to say “no”. That is why it is recommended to conduct any negotiations on a full stomach, when peace descends on a well-fed and satisfied person. Humor also makes people kinder and more complacent.
American psychologists at one time, after analyzing how many financial negotiations took place, came to an amazing conclusion: even in rather difficult and controversial issues, the parties are more willing to came to an agreement when one of the parties began to use arguments with a bit of humor in their negotiations.
Here's a simple example that can be called a classic, as everyone knows it, but it still works. When you get a refusal, turn it into a joke if possible; then try to insist on your own gently and very amiably, then smile broadly and ask your counterpart, “Well, what will it be like Is your answer yes now?”
4. Explain your request
Maybe you weren't convincing enough that's why you were turned down? Try to analyze
the arguments you provided the first time.
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Never say something like “you misunderstood me, now I'm going to explain everything to you!”.
Hearing such a phrase, a person will immediately begin to perceive you with hostility, because you actually reproached him for being short. Instead, we should say the following:
“You know, I have a few arguments that will help you see my request/suggestion/wish in a different light.”
Then state your request again, but try to provide more reasoned arguments. Use more often phrases like “this is necessary because /as/in order to…” and so on. In short, argue.
5. Re-ask in a more confident tone
Your reasoning is fine, the situation was favorable to a positive answer, but did you still hear “no” in response to your request? Try to understand why you were turned down (ask about this, as we advised above).
Could it be that you didn't feel confident enough? In that case, it should be said:
“maybe I wasn't quite accurate/persuasive/persistent” — it all depends on who you were. Then state your request again in a more confident tone, making convincing arguments.
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It is not always recommended to repeat your request immediately, since not everyone is able to regain strength immediately after the fiasco and “perform” better than the first time. Say something like, “I don't feel very well today, but I'd be grateful if we could meet another day.”
At the next meeting, accumulate arguments, and then state your request again — but in a more confident tone! To do this, it is recommended to practice in front of the mirror, or ask someone close to you to assess how convincing you were.
6. Admit that you are poorly prepared and reschedule the meeting
Of course, it all depends on the situation, but if you realize that you were turned down for objective reasons, don't hesitate to admit that you did something wrong. The ability to admit mistakes (openly but with dignity rather than self-deprecation) is highly valued by smart people. Therefore, prepare for the next meeting more carefully, accumulate arguments, be more confident and convincing.
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This approach works well when it comes to hiring. If, as they say, you were “hacked” at the interview stage, it makes sense to try your luck again, being better prepared. Maybe you're really excited. And your persistence when hiring can be viewed positively, as it shows your dedication and unwillingness to give up.
7. Shift the conversation to a different topic
If you are turned down but you can continue the conversation, we recommend that you change the subject. In the next conversation, touch on topics that interest your other person more than your personal affairs. Try to win him over with your genuine interest in him or her person, and only then, at the right moment, return to the topic that interests you.
It is possible to buy time in other ways. For example, when it comes to business negotiations, it would be appropriate to invite the other person to lunch or dinner. Try to win over the person using various methods (including some of the tips in this article), and then try your luck again by asking for it.
8. Try to find something you can personally be of use
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You've been denied something that is important and of particular interest to you. Your interviewee is not to blame for this — after all, he has completely different interests. In a further conversation, if possible, try to find out what needs your interviewee has.
Ideally, it would be nice for your counterpart to get a confident and unshakable “yes, I can help you with this issue” first. After that, it is necessary to find a convenient time to return to your request. Re-phrase it, adding something like, “I would be very grateful if you could meet me halfway. This will help me free up time and resources to address your issue.”
And in order for this technique to work, always prepare for such meetings in advance. Asking for something, or expressing your wishes to someone, is more appropriate
when you yourself have something to offer to your partner. Then the probability of a positive outcome of the negotiations increases many times over.
9. Take a break
After listening to the interlocutor's refusal, it does not always make sense to resort to various tricks, trying to turn your request into the subsequent conversation again. Instead, it is recommended to let go of the situation for a while, taking a break.
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The next time you meet someone you're interested in agreeing to something, try to take the right time to restate your request. In doing so, follow the other tips in this article.
An interesting psychological point is that many people often find it awkward to refuse the same request twice!
10. Turn a person's refusal into their opinion
Refusal is a categorical response to a request or desire. Expressing a different opinion is just a point of view expressed within the framework of dialogue, one of many. Try to turn a person's refusal into their opinion, and then gently but persistently defend your opinion.
It seems that this method does not always work when it comes to refusal. How, for example, to turn into an opinion if a person refuses to lend you money? In fact, if you use the other tips in this article, you can turn almost any refusal into an opinion.
Let's look at an example about borrowing money. Ask the person to justify their refusal. It is clear that if he simply does not have the means to help you, then there is nothing to talk about. It's another matter if your counterpart doubts your ability to pay; doubt that you will be able to return the money on time.
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In this case, the ball ends up on your side!
After that, you just have to convince the person that his arguments are untenable, and then that you are able to return the money on time (giving a sufficient number of compelling arguments, of course). After your interviewee has no arguments to substantiate their doubts, you can ask for a loan again.
11. Don't devalue yourself
When we are denied something, we often lose faith in ourselves. Interviewees (subconsciously or consciously) read our uncertainty, making sure that they refused us reasonably. If you're ready to say no, it means he won't upset you. You will also not lose heart, you will remain confident in yourself.
And if the previous advice seems inappropriate to you, then it is recommended to act ahead. Polite but confident. After all, what do you lose? You've already been turned down! You should not escalate the situation, but it is also wrong to turn into a beggar who “stands” below his interlocutor.
Try to convince the other person to agree to your request, defending your point of view in a calm, confident tone, making reinforced concrete arguments. During your dialogue, if possible, agree more often with your counterpart, saying the words “yes, I agree with you…”, “yes, of course…”, and so on. By doing so, you also program him for a positive answer.
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A few tips to help you avoid refusal
When addressing your request, be as friendly as possible so that your person does not initially want to refuse you because your tone.
When asking for something, make sure that your person has enough time to listen not only to the request itself, but also to the arguments for it. It is extremely rare to solve serious things “like” and “on the run”.
Never express your request if you are very worried. Try to overcome fear and anxiety initially (take a few deep breaths, for example), and then continue the conversation.
Before you express your request, try to win over the other person. Do not start with the main thing right away, give your counterpart some light but nice compliment.
Read also: 40 compliments to a man that will raise his self-esteem
Refusal should rarely be taken as a final and irrevocable decision. Usually, during serious negotiations, interlocutors often say “no” to each other, but this is only a step for further negotiations; or a trick to find an alternative solution, satisfying the interests of both parties.
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Try not to immediately state all the reasons that could convince your counterpart to agree to your request or proposal. Put forward one or two arguments. If the situation does not develop in your favor, use your strongest arguments to convince the other person to answer “yes” to you.
Formulate your request or wish clearly and clearly. You should not say something like “if someone could help me with this issue…”, looking at the other person meaningfully, waiting for him to offer his help himself. If the question is not asked, then most likely the answer is “no”!
Improve your communication skills. Sophisticated human interaction skills will serve you well not only when you need to persevere after a refusal, but also in many other situations in life.
The above tips are not universal, since we are all very individual, and the situations in which we face rejections are very diverse.
However, many of us will find in these tips a rational seed that we can use to hear the word “no” as little as possible in our lives, but to say “yes” as often as possible .