Useful tips
Contents:
We believe we'll be happy when we reach our goal
We we don't change the picture in front of our eyes
We don't sleep enough and eat wrong
In the negative, we only see… negative
We surround ourselves with people with a negative outlook on life
We blame stress for everything
We don't keep track of our thoughts
Is your glass half empty or half full? In other words, are you a pessimist or an optimist?
It's no secret that optimists have a much better time in our hectic world. It is also known that a pessimistic or optimistic view of life often depends not only and not so much on life circumstances as on our attitude towards certain things.
Here are seven wrong actions and thoughts that prevent us from developing a positive view of things around us.
1. We believe we'll be happy when we reach our goal
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You can't be a permanently happy person no matter what anyone says. At the same time, many of us dream of changing something in our lives, changing ourselves to feel happy. We truly believe that these changes will help us become a different person once and for all. And that's when we'll be alive! Until that happens, we are living a dull and dull existence.
So what is happiness?
Everyone is looking for an answer to this question. But happiness is unlikely to lie in what you will gain when you change or reach your goal. The feeling of happiness is better understood in the changes themselves, in the very process of transformation. When these changes happen, you can quickly get used to them, feeling the need for new changes again. And so on ad infinitum.
Read also: Secrets why you can't reach your goal (based on your date of birth)
This is human nature. We get satisfaction from the process of change itself (for example, from personal growth in our careers, not from the routine that awaits us after). We are happy to see how our children are growing up, how they are taking the first step, how they are achieving success. When they are happily living their adult lives, of course, we are happy for them, but we often remember with nostalgia the moments of growing up.
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Think back to the three brightest moments in your life, when events in your life made you feel that something was about to change and you would become the happiest person. These can be very specific things:
moving to another city you've been dreaming about for a long time;
meeting a person who will later become your soulmate;
getting a new position; a
breakthrough in business and much more.
Think back to your soul's vibrations when all this happened. But were you just as happy when it all happened?
So what has changed now? Are you used to it? Have you stopped enjoying what you once aspired to? Or did you just forget what made you happy? To feel the soul's forgotten vibrations again, repeat to yourself like a mantra that you are ready to change, that you are open to changes in your life. After all, before these changes occur, remember previous moments of transformation more often while continuing to believe that change is possible.
2. We don't change the picture in front of our eyes
Most of us live a routine full of positive and not-so-positive events that happen every day. This is neither bad nor good — this is the reality. Over time, we get used to the positive things we have in our lives, taking them for granted. But negative events, on the contrary, begin to “stick out” and accumulate, irritating us more and more.
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This is how our brain works — if it constantly processes the same picture, it begins to gradually release stimuli, forming in us permanent discontent with what is happening. If you feel like the same thing is happening to you, it means it's time to change the picture. A new picture before your eyes is not just a new experience; sometimes it's a change that will lead to a better quality of life.
How does this work?
Let us cite as an example the results of a study in which a group of students from Yale University School of Medicine, USA, took part. During one of the classes, some students were asked to leave the auditorium, after which they were sent to a local museum, where students spent some time admiring various ancient works of art.
As it turned out later, this group of students improved their academic performance by 10 percent compared to the rest of the student audience that did not visit the museum. Moreover, students who took part in the experiment began to pay more attention to various important nuances related to their profession during practical classes. It would seem that what does the art of civilizations that have sunk into oblivion and medical training have to do with it?
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In fact, when we give our brain more information that is not even related to our main activity, we form its ability to “see” more and more deeply, and develop perspective in principle. Thus, if you feel that everything around you is no longer happy, change the picture. You don't have to spend your last money to go to the Maldives. You can just go to a museum, an exhibition; read a book, watch a movie — do whatever you want, creating the impression of change. This is beneficial.
3. We don't sleep enough and we don't eat right
Surely many of you know the popular statement that an artist must be hungry to create a masterpiece. In fact, you should not take this phrase literally. But if we continue the analogy with the artist, most of their masterpieces were born under the influence of some moral suffering, but certainly not under the roulades of an empty stomach.
The moral is this: constantly accumulating fatigue and constant malnutrition (or poor diet) is a direct way to feel unhappy. Moreover, this combination has much more serious consequences (including for the physical health of our brain). Lack of sleep and exhausting diets are a threat to the nervous system and a challenge to our physical body. In this mode, we are simply unable to think positively.
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In this sense, one of the studies carried out under the patronage of the Columbia University School of Business is interesting. According to the results of this study, judges who consider appeals in court in the morning only give a positive verdict in 20 per cent of cases. After lunch, this percentage increases to 60, that is, three times! This is the clearest example of how regular food influences our judgment.
What conclusion can be drawn?
If you are used to seeing everything that happens around you only in black tones, try to pay attention to how you eat. Maybe we should temporarily forget about a strict diet? Or change your diet in the direction of recovery? Also pay attention to what time you go to bed and get up. Try changing your eating behavior and sleep schedule for at least a week, and then reanalyze the world around you.
According to psychologists, the brain of a person suffering from constant lack of sleep tends to “throw” negative words to describe what is happening around him, replacing words with positive context. A well-fed and well-rested person always sees more opportunities around him; his brain is more sensitive to details, is able to absorb more information, suggesting more options.
4. In the negative we see only… the negative
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You may have different feelings about the following phrase — “whatever is done is for the best”. However, almost any hopeless situation can be viewed from two sides. And no matter how gloomy the prospects may sometimes seem, a detailed calm analysis of what happened begins to show the bright consequences of an unpleasant situation.
Then why are we so often discouraged over trifles?
The problem lies in our quick and superficial emotional judgment. We don't give ourselves time to look at the events from the outside. In fact, it doesn't matter what happened at all (because even the most difficult events can change us personally for the better), we need to give ourselves time to look at these events from a different angle.
But in order to do that, you have to change the viewing angle, right? We are not always able to cope with this on our own. At the same time, we never tire of making fun of, for example, the habit of Americans running to their psychologists on every occasion. But it is precisely the job of such people to help us look at what happened from a different angle. Sometimes it takes a deep analysis to understand this.
Many of us are not even able to grasp on our own the simple truth that negative thinking is contrary to the very essence of a person, because the brain works differently. We can't always perceive everything in black; the brain itself makes us see the bright sides as well. Don't believe it?
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Here's a simple example to help you prove it:
take a sheet of paper and a pencil or pen;
pay attention to an object near you;
without hesitation, write no more than five adjectives that, in your opinion, they are able to accurately characterize it.
It's safe to bet that the vast majority of us, no matter what subject we were describing, used more positive characteristics than negative ones. But where do negative adjectives come from? According to psychologists, this is not so scary. The realization that we do not live among pink dandelions and cute cats makes us act, makes our brain more flexible and mobile.
5. We surround ourselves with people with a negative outlook on life
Like-minded people are great. Especially when you say on every corner that a psychologist is not for you. In any case, it's better to discuss problems than never do it. This is useful, if only because trying to keep all the negativity in yourself can lead even the strongest person to a nervous breakdown, depression, or even worse, cause suicidal thoughts.
Yes, it is possible to find a sister/brother in misfortune. Such people will understand you better than others, no doubt. However, we often forget one simple truth that has been taught to us since childhood in the form of a simple phrase: “Whoever you talk to, that's what you get.”
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But it is true that constant communication with such people does not leave us a chance to think positively; this is how we program our negative view of the world around us.
You can punch yourself in the chest for as long as you like, proving your self-sufficiency, but we are shaped by our environment. That is why regularly turning your next conversation into “chewing” on the same problems is a direct path to stagnation. You're marking time, figuratively speaking, instead of moving forward.
But what if a person raises these questions himself, forcing you to return to the negative again and again?
At the very least, suggest changing the topic yourself. Or there is another, much more drastic solution that will allow you to interrupt the flow of negative thoughts: change your environment if you are surrounded by hopeless pessimists like you consider yourself too. Look for people in your remote environment who will offer you a different point of view.
It is no coincidence that psychologists advise people who are dissatisfied with their social status to look for acquaintances and friends among people of a different status, even of a different age group. If you are not ready to break off relations with a person with whom you are used to sharing only sad thoughts, try meeting him in company. Believe me, in such an environment, the two of you will not have time to complain about life — the rest will simply get tired of it.
6. We blame it all on stress
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Any stress and nervous tension always exacerbates any situation that begins to seem even worse to us. The hormonal surge that accompanies any stressful situation always affects not only our ability to make good judgment and unbiased understanding of the situation, but also our memory. But is it really that bad?
After all, this influence is not always negative, because in moments of stress, our memory worsens, we begin to make decisions that we would not dare to make in a calm mood. Psychologists urge us to learn how to use the positive aspects of stress that really shake up our physical and mental health.
In this context, the results of one study in which junior and middle managers were consulted for some period of time on which sometimes stress
provides benefits to the body's activities. After a certain period of time, almost all managers recorded a decrease in the intensity (by 23 percent) of physical problems such as persistent headache, back pain, chronic tiredness.
Of course, stress is not a normal situation in the sense that, thank God, we do not live in emotional stress every minute (with rare exceptions, usually related to specifics activities). However, stress is the mobilization of all the resources of our body. If you're a workaholic, you're most likely living under constant stress. But does that mean you're not happy?
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Kelly Services, the famous largest international recruitment agency, conducted an international survey among workers, which showed that in Russia about 60 percent of citizens believe that they live under stress. At the same time, 50 percent of the same respondents confirmed that they feel happy at their workplace.
It is noteworthy that the results of similar surveys that Kelly Services conducted in some European countries often did not differ much from what Russians answered. If stress can never become a weapon for you personally, learn to switch from stressful moments to pleasant events that await you in the long term (for example, in the midst of a hard day at work think about pleasant plans for the evening or for the weekend).
7. We don't keep track of our thoughts
Our thoughts flow in an uninterrupted stream — sometimes bubbling, sometimes calm. It is impossible to stop this flow, although it is very important to direct it in the right direction. A positive view of the world around us is impossible without us finally beginning to control our thoughts, getting rid of unnecessary aggressive husks, decadent moods, negative and negative judgments.
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Try to start small — snatch phrases from the stream of your thoughts that are related to the most common and ordinary events in our lives. For example, you are in a hurry to work in the morning. The thought in your head is “just not to be late”. At the end of the day, what do many of us think about? That's right, “if only they don't get detained at work.” At home, something like this idea arises: “if only nothing prevents me from going to bed early.” And so forth and so forth…
Read also: Our thoughts materialize: a step-by-step explanation of how this happens
These are just episodic thoughts that flash through our heads, but firmly program us
in the direction that we can “not be in time”, “be late”, “stay”, “not get enough sleep”, etc. .
Formulate affirmative sentences
This is a very powerful exercise that can eventually instill in you a different way of thinking (actually a positive one), if you do it wisely. Start “filtering” your stream of thoughts by formulating sentences like “I'll do it in time,” “I can do it,” “I can do it,” and so on. And even if reality will not always coincide with your plans, it's okay, not all at once. The main thing in this matter is commitment and a positive attitude.
And this is only the initial stage of “clearing the river of thoughts”, because your next step should be to abandon the negative language that programs your distant future. To do this, it makes sense to write such thoughts in a diary, giving yourself the opportunity to work on them. It won't be long before, for example, your “I can't get promoted”
will turn into “I'll be able to do it in six months when I improve my skills.”